How to win on the dating scene

Before I go any further, as you read the headline for my column you may think I’m going to suggest dating advice. I’ll begin by saying that’s true but not in the way you may be thinking. Let me set up and frame my thinking as I go to topic.

A few weeks ago an e-mail arrives to me from my cousin Ed. Ed’s on my dad’s side, one of five boys that belong to my Uncle Ed, my dad’s brother. I remember well Uncle Ed’s kids along with my brothers Mike, Sam and I at many a holiday and family dinner at my late Aunt Viola’s home or our place or Uncle Ed’s doing what Italians do best, eating well and laughing much. Besides getting caught up on old times Ed asks if I could round up some old family photos and ship them to him as he has plans to put together a DVD of our family’s photos as Kenny Rogers would say “Through the Years.”

What a project, rounding up old photos for dad’s side is a daunting task. My late dad is one of 11 children. Back then as many families can attest, having many children was par for the course. Finding a couple today with that number of children is about as common as someone who speaks both German and Japanese fluently. If I find a couple with more than 3 kids I wonder how they get it done. They’re out there but scarce to say the least. Anyway back to my story. Ed’s project had mom and I hunting down an assortment and collection of family photos from dad’s side that would make your head hurt. I was able to find photos of dad’s late brothers, all gone now. Many of his sisters also passed were spotted and collected for shipment.

Where’s the dating advice you’re probably thinking? Here it comes.

What happened along the way in our society with how men and women once used to catch each other’s attention? Something’s terribly wrong as far as this columnist is concerned. Here’s an example. One family photo has my mother and father in their 20’s dressed sharply. Dad in suit and tie, mom in a proper dress sitting tableside at Palumbo’s, a supper club in South Philly now extinct. Both my parents and other couples look respectable and nicely appointed having a nice meal, relaxed, taking in the music of the day. As my late father would say, acts that played the kind of music that if the electricity went out the band could continue to perform. More photos of my folks, my relatives and their friends courting one another in well dressed, nice apparel that you’d like to see your kids, my kids and everyone else kid’s wearing when they go on dates. I’m not of that generation and to set the record completely straight I didn’t date a girl wearing a suit and tie unless I was going to a formal or prom, then I was dressed and cleaned up as best possible. I did however remember in my generation of dating way back in the ancient 80’s that arriving to a girl’s home meant being dressed respectably, introducing yourself to the parents and adhering to their rules of the home with regard to curfew and anything else that was required of seeing their loved one off for the evening. For those who think this isn’t old fashioned but just common courtesy then we’re on the same page.

This is column where, like others on this page I share my view. In my view, today’s generation’s idea of dating isn’t a lot different than ours. Each set of youngsters thinks they’re so unique from the others when in reality it’s not the case. Romance, courtship, dating, is all practices that despite trends and music are gone about in the same fashion. With some exception which is where I am heading. Ladies and gentleman at that stage in your life I speak to you now directly. What’s going to happen when your photo is snapped and held into perpetuity if you’re fortunate enough to find your soul mate? Would you want the photo to reflect well? Would you want others to say this person looks like they care about how they carry themselves?

I have kids, I can tell you when the day comes they want to start dating, going to dances and all that sort of ‘stuff’, there’s going to be a long talk about the process before this commences. A very long, long talk. For the record I’ll be doing the talking and my sons better be doing the listening.

Here’s what I’m going to say with firm resolve. A resolve made more firm by the photos with which I just perused. Dress appropriately. No low riding jeans with your underwear sticking out, no ripped t-shirts; I get that long hair is in ( I personally don’t get it ) but if that’s the style I can live with it, but at least comb it from time to time. Be respectful. Show up on time and get your date back 15 minutes before they’re due back. Be a gentleman, help your date with her coat, get the car door for her, grab her chair as she goes to sit down and let her order first if dinner’s involved. Be the kind of kids your parents raised you to be and her parents expect you to be. I know what to expect after I rant on this diatribe. The same reaction I gave my folks. Rolled my eyes, made some sarcastic, half wit remark and moved on. Funny, while I did do those things I remembered at least a few of them on my dates and I guess that’s the point. My parent’s comments to me weren’t completely futile.

For the life of me, maybe its age starting to show I don’t get today’s generation of clothing style. The ‘hug hipper’s’, shirts that expose the mid-drift and saggy jeans with shorts showing are just lost on me. I know what many of you are thinking. Your generation certainly wasn’t fashion plates. The tight jeans, ‘Members Only’ jacket and slicked hair certainly is as laughable. You got me dead to rights. My point is that clothing should reveal a person’s taste and that’s the only thing it should reveal. Styles change, I get that, music changes I get that also, but certain things should stay en vogue. Remember, if you’re starting to get serious with someone, the pictures are going to get ‘snapped’. How do you want to look in the photo album?

My parent’s generation has nothing to apologize for. Class, sharp and well groomed is how these folks from yesteryear appear. Since the 60’s the styles change, some good, some not so. In the 70’s the leisure suit, the God awful look that back then was all the rage is looked back on today as one of the most laughable styles of clothing someone could drape upon themselves. For those of you indulgent of today’s fashions do you think someone 10, 20 or more years from now looks back on your photo and says ‘what were you thinking’ or instead says ‘wow, you look sharp’. If you’re going on a date the best way to win on the dating scene is the best way to win in anything else. Kick it up a notch, to quote Emeril Lagasse. Dress with class, stay stylish if that’s your thing, but dress like your outfit or appearance won’t haunt you in the photo album years from now. Show courtesy, respect and above all be polite, kind and decent. While for many it sounds like old school thinking you may be right. One of the things many an old timer tells me from this kind of behavior is the best sales line of all for my theory. The folks who dated way back never had trouble lining up someone for a night out on the town. That should tell you something.

Pull out your family photos; check out the history of courtship in your clan. Have a laugh or be impressed. Maybe it’ll give you an idea or two about your next outing. Good luck, it’s a jungle out there. Properly dressed, see ya around town.