Mom, always a mom, always

I don’t know about you, but I always wrestle with Mom’s Day. No problem giving mom reverence on her day upcoming Sunday the 13th, it’s just hard wondering what to get the woman who brought you into the world.

Dads, we’re easy. Steak on the grill, maybe an extra hour or two of sleep on our day, that’s fine with us. The standard neck tie or golf pass is always welcome with a smile. Mom’s traditional gift runs to dinner and flowers. Not surprising from area restaurant owners Mom’s Day is the biggest restaurant day of the year.

Since mom is usually saddled with cooking for most other holidays and events, it’s usually this day that others cook and serve mom. I have the occasion of seeing my mom now, usually twice a month, since before and after dad’s passed, I, along with my brothers have been making the visit to see mom gets face time with us, and it usually includes a meal and stop at one of her favorite places. All the typical stores moms love is part of the visit. Mom will usually ask my opinion about an item for her or us and enjoys the company, which led me to start looking at myself and my relationship with mom.

Look, let’s face it, most guys aren’t wired to enjoy shopping unless it’s for something we want and happen to be liquid enough with cash to purchase said item. My mom loves just to shop, even when she’s not buying anything. Like many woman, mom likes to ‘browse’ and see what’s on sale and just pass time in malls, shopping centers and stores. Me and my brothers will often joke and jibe whoever’s next on deck for the ritualistic visits. As I grow older and watch my mom grow older, I’m starting to see these trips and visits differently.

Ultimately, I’m finding out mom just wants time with her sons, time to talk and check on her most important investments. Being with my brothers and I offers her time to see what she’s been able to accomplish in her life in partnership with my late father. All adults now, my brothers and I like everyone else are engulfed in raising families, work, civic commitments and more.

Mom and I believe most all mothers want that quiet time to see how ‘we’re’ doing. You can’t fool mom either, I’ve tried numerous times to avoid tough topics. “Are you saving money?” “Are you taking care of yourself,” and a litany of many other questions that are dead on before you even answer. Mothers like great lawyers already know the answers. I found just leveling with mother is the best policy. Usually she’ll take constructive compassion and offer advice, help or support.

My son the other day asked me, for a project he’s doing for confirmation in 2008, what I would hope for him when he’s grown. What a question. Where do I start? I hope he’s honest, happy, healthy, stable, loves his job, enjoys life, has enough money to provide for his family and save a nest egg for his later years and on and on ad infinitum. It was Anthony’s question to me just ahead of Mom’s Day that got me to see life for the first time in a long time through Mom’s eyes. I have been severely guilty of giving mom a work out when she asks tough questions or wants to get involved in my affairs more than I think she should.

Age doesn’t have a lot of perks. We’re a youth based society, being in media I know this all too well. One of the few perks of aging is gaining insight into how others think and feel about lots of things, especially seeing from the perspective of a parent. Being a great parent, I don’t know what the recipe is, but I am learning that in growing my relationship with mom, I’m ultimately more valuable as a parent to my sons. In her own way, sometimes tough, but always caring, I think mom knows this and through her exchanges with me is helping guide me to my own sense of self in raising sons. Do I still get frustrated when mom tries to give me money for gas? How about when she puts money in my coat pocket when I’m not looking? Or the best is when mom sends articles on a range of topics, all these things in an effort to ‘help’. Easy to resent these things, easy to start arguments over these and many other things that go on between mom and child, but as I age and see what mom’s doing I am beginning to understand. She’s just making sure her kids are in the best possible spot, because let’s face facts, we aren’t guaranteed a tomorrow, and we want to make sure when we exit that our kids represent the family values that have been passed down through generations.

Thinking about these things and taking a kind approach to all of mom’s advice and guidance has allowed me to give mom what she’s wanted all along from her kids. Peace of mind. I would have given it to her sooner except I was too busy being stubborn. So I’ll speak for many moms when I invite you to do like I’ll do this Sunday, sit with mom, take her advice, listen and let yourself be loved like the child we all are to our moms.

Mom knows us best, don’t fight city hall and don’t give mom a workout on her day. Treat her to dinner, flowers and gifts, then, give her your present. You. Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms out there, and if you want to send me some ideas you have for mom’s day feel free to post them on my blog. See ‘ya around town.